validation

So I just got back from one of those free psychotherapy sessions at our student health center, and I'm feeling pretty good. Good not so much like happy, but like everything that was rattling around loose inside of me is in its right place after all. I don't know that either of us said anything particularly novel during the session, so it's not that I had an epiphany. Rather, the source of my comfort is the the stream of validating remarks I get from the therapist. And that's why I keep going back.

Sometimes, all a problem really needs is a good listen. And by good, I don't mean "and then advice is given to help solve it". The problems that paralyze me, the ones that I don't really like to vent to people, are the ones that don't admit a solution. If there is an answer, even if I don't know what it is, it's not an issue that's going to keep me up at night. There's just that special class of destructive emotions, jagged-edged thoughts that lodge at the edge of consciousness and just kind of stay there. These things have to be treated with patience, like you're still going to feel bad about that relationship until you've changed so much as a person that the experience means something different to you.

That's why I'm more than happy to keep going back to the counseling center my tuition helps to fund. Talking about a problem doesn't always lead to it's being fixed. But sometimes all I need is a stream of warm words of validation ("There's nothing wrong with thinking that, seeing things that way, your reaction to the situation") to plow the tangles of negativity back under.

It may be a consequence of some of my privilege that I feel so comfortable sitting down with someone I don't actually know anything about (but I'm not going to get into that right at this moment), but I don't want to tarnish the kind of inner cleanliness or order I feel like I come away with. Like all good things, I find myself trying to capture the state of mind I'm in, as though I'll be able to save it for later.