time = enemy

So I went to bed last night at like 4, fell asleep in both my classes, went to see mary rose's really good presentation for lunch, fell asleep during senior thesis presentations, and then got reamed by my thesis advisor on the work I did last night. And now I have fifteen minutes to pack before leaving campus for the next 24 hrs on a retreat things with the 5-college asian american student organization. Um, what?

I've basically put off this thesis presentation (next friday, 1:15 in millikan 134, free food + my eternal gratitude to follow) as long as I possibly can. Granted, I managed to make a mundane topic into a fucking nightmare of stuff nobody has any background in, so it's partially a problem of not that much institutional support. I don't want to sound that bitter about this, but I feel like a lot of other majors had their hands held by their thesis advisors. I just had a chance this afternoon to meet with one of two faculty members who's actually trained in mathematical logic, and he's not even in the math department. Aiyah. Just... the stream of criticism from my advisor after my presentation run-though was voluminous, but it was somehow worse because I knew it was all completely legit. I feel like everything I'm trying to talk about isn't exactly sitting on a solid foundation in my mind, and that my presentation will either over- or under-compensate for that.

I think, at my core, I still feel like I can make a good presentation, even a great one, by next Friday. The subject is hard, but it's not impossible. I just wonder if I can muster the wherewithal not to completely screw up next week by wasting time the way I did this week. Everyone needs time to themselves every once in a while, but I think this past week has all been about making excuses for not doing shit with my time. Today, the only downtime I've had was the shower I took between class and lunch. I need that in-shower time to collect myself every day, but I seriously gotta think about jettisoning most of the other things I do to avoid getting this thing done. Whether I've willingly admitted it or not, I care a lot about how this presentation turns out. It's just that I need to back up my emotional investment with doing.