無 money, 無 problems

I'm sorry for the pun, especially since it probably makes sense to basically nobody. (無 is said like "mou" in Cantonese, and it means "nothing" or "there lacks", and, um, the Notorious B.I.G. wrote this song, uh, anyway... it was funny when it occurred to me walking around this afternoon)

Other tangent: Stephanie, Viv, I had a fresh fried dough stick today at a little jook place in Cheung Sha Wan. And it was AWESOME. Also, they call them "yau tsa guai" here instead of "yau tiu", which is the Canto pronunciation of the Putonghua "you tiao", so the lady didn't really understand what I wanted to order at first. I ended up pointing to another customer's table and saying, "Nei tiu," which means like "That long thing," which worked. It was hot, straight out of the fry oil, and I got a glass of soymilk to go with it. Nobody here that I've talked to seems to be familiar with the other trappings of Taiwanese breakfast, though, so I just might have to go to Taipei.

Subject: I got a check in the mail about a month ago (maybe longer). It was my college housing deposit or something, I think, something from Pomona. And just like that "Seinfeld" episode where Jerry gets carpal tunnel syndrome from signing $.20 royalty checks from Japan and nobody feels sorry for him, this check felt more like a burden than a windfall.

The problem, of course, was that the check was denominated in US dollars. Our employers here thoughtfully set us up with accounts at Bank of East Asia, the chain that won the bid to have a branch on campus. Now, this is only half sarcastic: I don't think I could open an account here on my own without a Hong Kong ID card, and that took several weeks to get, so BEA was basically doing us a favor; they also have an ATM on campus and direct deposit, which is pretty convenient. The problem is that BEA isn't by any means the largest or most convenient bank for Hong Kong overall, and our accounts don't have credit/debit privileges. Also, the customer service at our branch is pretty lame (two tellers who don't speak english and no personal bankers). And then to top it all off, they wanted like 3% of the value of my check just to deposit it. Well, I wasn't having that, so I figured I'd find a different bank, maybe a higher-profile bank. I checked out HSBC, and they seemed perfect: internationally oriented, so they should take my check; good rates on CDs (called Time Deposit in HK), which could be denominated in other currencies, good because I've grown cynical about the US dollar; a big deal here, so ubiquitous.

I went into HSBC once and was rebuffed for not having my passport, in addition to my HK ID. I went back, tried again to open an account, and was rejected based on insufficient proof of address (the letter I brought was addressed to my office, not my dorm room). I went back a third time, armed with ID card, passport, proof of address, the check, extra cash in HK dollars--the works. After waiting for more than half an hour, the personal banker talks to me and gets the gist of what I want to do with my account (deposit this check, deposit HK$, time deposit in euros or something), and sells me on this flexible-management integrated account. It sounds perfect, and although I'd have to basically close out my BEA account and drain my savings from home to meet the minimum balance, I'd be happy to have everything in one place. Well, then he starts to process my documents. And the stream of positive statements about my account trails off into silence when he gets to the passport. "Oh, you are a US national? We cannot offer this type of account to US nationals." The receptionist, standing behind him helpfully, occasionally offering translations and generally trying to look out for me, adds, "US... citizens." Oh. My mistake.

So the personal banker kicks me out of his office, sheaf of documents in hand, and sends me to wait in the teller line. For twenty more minutes. I see a teller, and the receptionist, who meets me at the head of the line to help translate my requests, tries to explain that I want to open a basic account. The teller is having none of it. We end up being waved over to another teller window, where the woman says she can open an account for me. I again hand over my paperwork, sliding all of it through the slot under the glass partition. She starts taking documents to photocopy, asking questions, etc. And then she gets to the check. Apparently, customers can only deposit US checks if they already have accounts in good standing. As a new customer, I would not be in good standing. And she says that it is impossible to determine when I would actually attain good standing if I were to open the account today. I left, but they may as well have thrown me out, for all the help they offered.

So I decide to try Hang Seng, another big, awesome bank that I've heard of (probably from the Hang Seng Index, HK's stock exchange). I went to the branch at Sha Tin mall last saturday. It started poorly, with me waiting for a personal banker for half an hour, asking the security guard if I was in the right place, and then being sent to the teller line for another half-hour wait. Fortunately, things go much more smoothly after that. The teller gets all my paperwork to photocopy, accepts the check for a charge of about HK$50, which is like US$6.50 or so, and opens my savings account with ATM/debit card privileges. Admittedly, this takes another hour plus, and he has to fill out a bunch of Chinese-language-only forms for me that seem positively Draconian, but it's all set--I even got a passbook! All it required was a passport, HK ID card, US driver's license, proof of address (testimonial letter from my dorm manager), proof of address (document mailed to said address), US address, and an opening deposit in HK$. But now, next time I come in, probably to pick up my ATM card, I can stop by the personal bankers and open up a linked time-deposit, get a credit card with a line of credit, start a retirement plan, etc etc etc.

And since I discovered Hang Seng has no branches in the US, by pulling my Wells Fargo savings out of an ATM and putting them into a Euro-denominated time deposit, I'm effectively taking my money offshore, like people with real jobs do. I feel pretty self-satisfied, I have to admit.